Recently, I had a humbling interaction with a client. She let me know late that her daughter would not be attending an event which we had be preparing for over the past six weeks. I sent back a rather severe email letting her know that she should have informed me earlier.
After sending the email, I had a fit of conscience. That is, God tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that I should have been nicer. I regretted using such a strong reprimand, but since the email had already been sent I couldn't do much about it.
Later that day, I received a reply. The woman began her email, "I'm really sorry about the poor communication on my side." She went on to say that her mother had been sick all year and that she had not been able to commit to anything else since she was spending all her time taking care of her mom.
Imagine what a jerk I felt when I read that. She not only took responsibility, but she had a very good excuse for her actions which entreated my compassion. I sent her back a very gracious reply, letting her know that it was okay, that I understood, that I should have confirmed with her earlier, and I wound up saying that I would pray for her and her mother.
But as I stepped away from the computer, I was very disturbed to examine my heart. Yes, I had quickly forgiven this woman after she had admitted her fault and offered to make amends. But it was her apology which had made me feel like I could be magnanimous. I felt like the Royal Ruler who had been Justly Offended, and she was the Poor Serf kneeling before me in abject humiliation - it was easy to forgive her, with a wave of my lordly hand!
But what if she had been defensive, blaming me instead for the poor communication? Would I then have pushed away the guilt I felt for treating her somewhat harshly? Would I have been able to admit my own poor communication? I'm not sure, and I'm glad I didn't have to find out. But it wasn't a pretty sight to look deep into my own motives and realize that they're not always as pure as I would like to believe.
Romans 5:8 says, "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
I just finished watching The Bible series on the History channel. Great series. It summarizes the stories of the whole Bible into a few hours. But what I appreciated most was seeing the story of Jesus come to life. Finally I had a picture of what Isaiah meant when he said about Jesus: "He was despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief..." (Isaiah 53:3). In the last moments of His life, Jesus asked His Father to forgive those who had mocked him, spit on him, crucified him. Even though they had never admitted their guilt or shown any remorse.
I find it really hard to wrap my mind that kind of love. A totally selfless love which does not receive and yet keeps on giving itself totally. And yet it seems to me that if I could let go of needing to hear others' contrition, I might be able to feel a little more remorse myself. Then I would truly understand what my salvation cost my Lord.
Oh Lord. Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. Even when they don't say, "I'm sorry."
