Rats in the Cellar

Awhile ago, I subscribed to get a daily devotional email from Bible Gateway. I'm not very good with reading daily emails (although I get far too many "dailies" in my junk email inbox from Cost Plus, Max Studio, and Joanne's Fabrics, just to name a few).

But the C.S. Lewis one is different. Almost every day, I feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when I open this email. His words, whether quotes from the beloved Narnia series, words of wisdom from Mere Christianity, or his heartfelt musings on pain after the death of his wife, all challenge and renew my faith.

Here's my email from a few days ago:

"We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light." ~ C.S. Lewis (from Mere Christianity)

Growing up, I had a fairly high opinion of myself. I knew I was a Christian, and I also knew that I was free of some of the more obviously egregious (to teenagers) sins such as murder, pre-marital sex and drug use. In my eyes, this made me pretty good with God. Sure, when friends asked, "You're so good, you don't have any sins," I would modestly explain that I still struggled with pride, gossip or fights with my parents, but even I didn't really believe those sins were that bad. (Nor was I struggling that hard.) In fact, in high school, I adopted the nickname "Angelchild" that one of my friends had given me, and continued to take pride in how pure and like and angel I was.

It's funny growing up in the church. I think that many who come to know Christ later in life have a more realistic view of just how terribly depraved we all really are without Jesus. But for those of us who grew up basically following the rules, we may not get a true picture of the blackness of sin until we grow older - and then only if we are truly honest and allow God to reveal it to us. As the years have passed, I have seen myself more and more 'in the light' - I've realized how often I have "sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed." And, while it might be more comforting to believe that I am safe from the truly terrible sins others struggle with, that in itself is a lie from the enemy, trying to deceive me that I am alright, that I don't really need a Savior.

But those rats keep on hiding in the cellars of our souls. And it is these rats in the cellar (or if you want to be more practical, cockroaches in our church storage room), that really keep me from holiness - not the obvious sins which everyone else would judge me for. The only way to catch and kill the vermin is to continually come to Jesus in honesty and humility and confess my sin. And He will continue the purification process in me which started at my conversion.

No, I'm not an Angelchild. But I am a child of God, and hopefully one day I will look like Him.

How was your day?

How was your day?

Some years ago, I learned the power of these simple words... from one of my youth. I would meet her after school and we'd chat about everything from boys to God. Unlike many of the teens I encounter, she wouldn't just talk about herself, she wanted to know what was going on with me. 

"So, how was your day?" she'd ask conversationally, her arms full of school projects. "By the way, thanks for picking me up."

It was refreshing. A sudden open invitation to say whatever I wanted to about my day and know that someone was listening and interested. And since knowing her, I have used those words many times -- in my marriage, with my youth kids (you usually have to be more specific with them else they will just say "fine") and with friends. I find them amazingly disarming. They imply a level of care that most people are not used to hearing in their busy lives. People are even more willing to open up and share when you follow them up their response with, "Oh yeah, how do you feel about that?"

Try them sometime. You might be surprised how the simple words open up a pathway for friendship and conversation. 

Reflections for the New Year

It's always the same - the year draws to a close, and suddenly, you are conscious of how little you've achieved this year, or how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. For some, there may be a sense of optimism that the new year will turn out differently, but deep down, you wonder if anything will really change. Am I even capable of change? I ask myself frequently, the older I get. 

Actually, I gave up making New Year's Resolutions a long time ago. The last one I can remember was to learn to play gospel keyboard. That must have been nearly 10 years ago, and I know I'm no closer than before. But each year, there are the faint hopes that I will actually use my gym membership, clean out my filing cabinet, take care of those pesky financial decisions I've been putting off... and change my maiden name.

Well, I may have given up on Resolutions, but something I value more and more is the chance to pray and reflect over the past year. I always discover something about myself and God's work in my life. One year, I kept my reflection sheet in my wallet all year, and it helped me stick to the desires I had to improve my relationships whom I had listed.

A few weeks ago, I had the chance to lead our student leadership team in a similar reflection time. It was following the end of a hard school semester and emotions ran high. But having the chance to share hopes and disappointments is a special part of Christian community and the discussion brought us closer.

I'd like to share the reflection questions, in hopes that you too can allow God to speak to you about your past year.

1. Take your time listing out every major memory/experience you had in 2013. (I used my Google planner/Facebook to help me with these)

2. a) What were some themes from your year? Or another way to put it: What did you spend a lot of time thinking about?
b) What actions did you take as a result of these thoughts?

3. a) What is something good you did this year?
b) What is something bad you did this year? ("good" and "bad" are subjective, not moral or legal terms)

4. What relationship in your life would you like to change? What would you like it to look like? What steps do you need to take to help it get there? 

5. a) How have your parents disappointed you? (you could use other family members/spouse instead)
b) How have you disappointed your parents?

6. a) How has God disappointed you?
b) How have you disappointed God?

7. Spend some time to share some of your thoughts with your community and pray for one another.