But the C.S. Lewis one is different. Almost every day, I feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when I open this email. His words, whether quotes from the beloved Narnia series, words of wisdom from Mere Christianity, or his heartfelt musings on pain after the death of his wife, all challenge and renew my faith.
Here's my email from a few days ago:
"We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light." ~ C.S. Lewis (from Mere Christianity)
Growing up, I had a fairly high opinion of myself. I knew I was a Christian, and I also knew that I was free of some of the more obviously egregious (to teenagers) sins such as murder, pre-marital sex and drug use. In my eyes, this made me pretty good with God. Sure, when friends asked, "You're so good, you don't have any sins," I would modestly explain that I still struggled with pride, gossip or fights with my parents, but even I didn't really believe those sins were that bad. (Nor was I struggling that hard.) In fact, in high school, I adopted the nickname "Angelchild" that one of my friends had given me, and continued to take pride in how pure and like and angel I was.
It's funny growing up in the church. I think that many who come to know Christ later in life have a more realistic view of just how terribly depraved we all really are without Jesus. But for those of us who grew up basically following the rules, we may not get a true picture of the blackness of sin until we grow older - and then only if we are truly honest and allow God to reveal it to us. As the years have passed, I have seen myself more and more 'in the light' - I've realized how often I have "sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed." And, while it might be more comforting to believe that I am safe from the truly terrible sins others struggle with, that in itself is a lie from the enemy, trying to deceive me that I am alright, that I don't really need a Savior.
But those rats keep on hiding in the cellars of our souls. And it is these rats in the cellar (or if you want to be more practical, cockroaches in our church storage room), that really keep me from holiness - not the obvious sins which everyone else would judge me for. The only way to catch and kill the vermin is to continually come to Jesus in honesty and humility and confess my sin. And He will continue the purification process in me which started at my conversion.
No, I'm not an Angelchild. But I am a child of God, and hopefully one day I will look like Him.
I signed up for the same cs lewis email! My faves are the narnia ones.
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