Rats in the Cellar

Awhile ago, I subscribed to get a daily devotional email from Bible Gateway. I'm not very good with reading daily emails (although I get far too many "dailies" in my junk email inbox from Cost Plus, Max Studio, and Joanne's Fabrics, just to name a few).

But the C.S. Lewis one is different. Almost every day, I feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when I open this email. His words, whether quotes from the beloved Narnia series, words of wisdom from Mere Christianity, or his heartfelt musings on pain after the death of his wife, all challenge and renew my faith.

Here's my email from a few days ago:

"We begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are. This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case. When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light." ~ C.S. Lewis (from Mere Christianity)

Growing up, I had a fairly high opinion of myself. I knew I was a Christian, and I also knew that I was free of some of the more obviously egregious (to teenagers) sins such as murder, pre-marital sex and drug use. In my eyes, this made me pretty good with God. Sure, when friends asked, "You're so good, you don't have any sins," I would modestly explain that I still struggled with pride, gossip or fights with my parents, but even I didn't really believe those sins were that bad. (Nor was I struggling that hard.) In fact, in high school, I adopted the nickname "Angelchild" that one of my friends had given me, and continued to take pride in how pure and like and angel I was.

It's funny growing up in the church. I think that many who come to know Christ later in life have a more realistic view of just how terribly depraved we all really are without Jesus. But for those of us who grew up basically following the rules, we may not get a true picture of the blackness of sin until we grow older - and then only if we are truly honest and allow God to reveal it to us. As the years have passed, I have seen myself more and more 'in the light' - I've realized how often I have "sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed." And, while it might be more comforting to believe that I am safe from the truly terrible sins others struggle with, that in itself is a lie from the enemy, trying to deceive me that I am alright, that I don't really need a Savior.

But those rats keep on hiding in the cellars of our souls. And it is these rats in the cellar (or if you want to be more practical, cockroaches in our church storage room), that really keep me from holiness - not the obvious sins which everyone else would judge me for. The only way to catch and kill the vermin is to continually come to Jesus in honesty and humility and confess my sin. And He will continue the purification process in me which started at my conversion.

No, I'm not an Angelchild. But I am a child of God, and hopefully one day I will look like Him.

How was your day?

How was your day?

Some years ago, I learned the power of these simple words... from one of my youth. I would meet her after school and we'd chat about everything from boys to God. Unlike many of the teens I encounter, she wouldn't just talk about herself, she wanted to know what was going on with me. 

"So, how was your day?" she'd ask conversationally, her arms full of school projects. "By the way, thanks for picking me up."

It was refreshing. A sudden open invitation to say whatever I wanted to about my day and know that someone was listening and interested. And since knowing her, I have used those words many times -- in my marriage, with my youth kids (you usually have to be more specific with them else they will just say "fine") and with friends. I find them amazingly disarming. They imply a level of care that most people are not used to hearing in their busy lives. People are even more willing to open up and share when you follow them up their response with, "Oh yeah, how do you feel about that?"

Try them sometime. You might be surprised how the simple words open up a pathway for friendship and conversation. 

Reflections for the New Year

It's always the same - the year draws to a close, and suddenly, you are conscious of how little you've achieved this year, or how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. For some, there may be a sense of optimism that the new year will turn out differently, but deep down, you wonder if anything will really change. Am I even capable of change? I ask myself frequently, the older I get. 

Actually, I gave up making New Year's Resolutions a long time ago. The last one I can remember was to learn to play gospel keyboard. That must have been nearly 10 years ago, and I know I'm no closer than before. But each year, there are the faint hopes that I will actually use my gym membership, clean out my filing cabinet, take care of those pesky financial decisions I've been putting off... and change my maiden name.

Well, I may have given up on Resolutions, but something I value more and more is the chance to pray and reflect over the past year. I always discover something about myself and God's work in my life. One year, I kept my reflection sheet in my wallet all year, and it helped me stick to the desires I had to improve my relationships whom I had listed.

A few weeks ago, I had the chance to lead our student leadership team in a similar reflection time. It was following the end of a hard school semester and emotions ran high. But having the chance to share hopes and disappointments is a special part of Christian community and the discussion brought us closer.

I'd like to share the reflection questions, in hopes that you too can allow God to speak to you about your past year.

1. Take your time listing out every major memory/experience you had in 2013. (I used my Google planner/Facebook to help me with these)

2. a) What were some themes from your year? Or another way to put it: What did you spend a lot of time thinking about?
b) What actions did you take as a result of these thoughts?

3. a) What is something good you did this year?
b) What is something bad you did this year? ("good" and "bad" are subjective, not moral or legal terms)

4. What relationship in your life would you like to change? What would you like it to look like? What steps do you need to take to help it get there? 

5. a) How have your parents disappointed you? (you could use other family members/spouse instead)
b) How have you disappointed your parents?

6. a) How has God disappointed you?
b) How have you disappointed God?

7. Spend some time to share some of your thoughts with your community and pray for one another. 

Merry Christmas! - Great Joy to All People

Merry Christmas!

It's been good to have a few days off this week. Our music studio is closed on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and I took some extra days off at church, so I haven't been spending much time with anyone except family.

In fact, I think the only non-family interactions I had with in the last 2 days were service-people from the various stores I visited to shop for last-minute gifts. I always have to think at the end, whether I should say, "Have a good day!" or "Merry Christmas!" I mean, so many people are afraid of not being politically correct (myself included, unfortunately) that I always assume that others will avoid the "C"- word.

Actually, this year, I was pleasantly surprised. Seems like every cashier or worker wished me a Merry Christmas before I even said anything. It heartened me to continue on wishing people Merry Christmas whether they celebrate it or not, because, Christmas IS a big deal, to all, whether they believe that or not.

The angel of the Lord told the shepherds,

"I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, 

the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David!"

Luke 2:10-11

Great joy to all people is hard to believe because there are so many people who don't find joy in even the concept of a Christmas which centers on Santa Claus and gift-giving, let alone a Christmas whose real meaning is God coming to earth to save mankind. It's hard to believe even for Christians... our hearts are so jaded and filled with trash during this season: greed for more stuff, materialism, addictions or over-indulgences, frustrations in our family relationships, self-loathing or desire to impress others... 

I've been forgetting to keep Jesus the Savior as my central focus and thus struggling with some of these this week. When that happens, I even lose enjoyment in the good things (like time spent with loved ones, beautiful lights on my tree, and homemade raspberry crumble bars) since I become so obsessed with the "trash". 

Well... there's no secret formula to put things back in perspective. No self-help book, no guru advice needed. All I really need to do is resolutely fix my eyes on Jesus (thereby taking my eyes off the trash), and slowly but surely I get the attitude pick-up that I need. And then the joy in the good things comes back. 

Try taking out the trash with me: turn off the TV, stop complaining or thinking bad thoughts about that family member, put down the extra cookie or beer, bite your tongue before issuing a cutting retort. And instead, we'll spend some time singing a worship song or maybe re-reading a part of the Christmas story in Luke. Combine it with an honest prayer of confession. And in the end, we will find our hearts start to be cleaned from the unrest and all the garbage.

The angel's words "great joy to all people" referred to God's ultimate plan to save the world from sin. But that starts in each of our own lives as we turn to him and ask him for that joy, giving up the dingy and battered hearts which we already own and to which we cling so stubbornly. For us, it might be a constant battle, but deep down, we know that God has already won it for us. Great joy is ours for the taking... we just have to keep reaching to Him for it. 

Advent Day 18 - The Holy Spirit

And the angel answered [Mary], 

"The Holy Spirit will come upon you, 

and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; 

therefore the child to be born will be called holy -- the Son of God." 

Luke 1:30-35

I've always had a hard time with the Holy Spirit. I don't know anyone, actually, who feels like they fully understand Who the Holy Spirit is, or His power and role. I've prayed on my knees that I could be filled with the Holy Spirit and feel closer to Him... of course I've also prayed many times that I could feel closer to God in general.

This week, I came across a reading written by John Piper for an Advent Devotional book. The book is called Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus and includes thoughts from many noted Christian writers on the coming of Christ. Here's what John Piper has to say about the Holy Spirit:

"[The ministry of the Holy Spirit] is to point away from himself to the wonder of God the Son and God the Father. Being filled with the Spirit means being filled with love for Christ... The Spirit is shy; he is self-effacing. When we look toward him, he steps back and pushes forward Jesus Christ. 

Therefore, in seeking to be filled and empowered by the Spirit we must pursue him indirectly -- we must look to the wonder of Christ. If we look away from Jesus and seek the Spirit and his power directly, we will end up in the mire of our own subjective emotions. The Spirit does not reveal himself. The Spirit reveals Christ. The fullness of the Spirit is the fullness he gives as we gaze on Christ. The power of the Spirit is the power we feel in the presence of Christ. The joy of the Spirit is the joy we feel from the promises of Christ... 

Devote yourself to seeing and feeling the grandeur of the love of God in Jesus Christ and you will be so in harmony with the Holy Spirit that his power will flow mightily in your life. Christian spiritual experience is not a vague religious emotion. It is an emotion with objective content, and the content is Jesus Christ. The shy member of the Trinity does mighty work, but he never puts himself in the limelight. You might say he is the limelight that puts the attributes of God the Father and the person of Christ into sharp relief."

As I read those words, I feel a sense of satisfaction. I have always wondered what it really means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Zechariah and Elizabeth are said to have been filled with the Holy Spirit. Mary was certainly filled with the Holy Spirit. Many references in the Book of Acts reference people being filled with the Spirit. Could we also be filled with Him?

Here the words of Piper clarify it a bit for me... the goal is not just to be filled with the Holy Spirit, but for my focus to be on Christ, by the enabling of the Spirit. And then the power that flows in my life will be the Spirit's power, and God will be able to use me mightily.

This is my prayer for myself and for my community. Let this be a prayer for all of us!

Advent Day 12 - A Faithful Couple

Back in October, my husband and I took a retreat day to go to Prayer Mountain. There we spent separate time praying and listening to God. Towards the end of the day, I was drawn to read Luke 1 - the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth.

In the time of Herod king of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah... his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, 

observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly. 

But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; 

and they were both well along in years. 

Luke 1:5-7 NIV

Thus starts what sounds like it will be a very heartrending story. An older couple, who, despite their loyal service to God, have not been blessed by children. If we think that is a big deal in this day and age, remember that at this time period it was ten times greater shame not to have a child. It was a huge social taboo; one did not simply make a choice to not have children. Everyone wanted many children -- for that was seen as a blessing from God, and those without children would not be able to pass on their name or possessions. Their legacy would die with them. Just the Bible's mention of this fact already gives us a glimpse into the state of their family pain.

The story goes on to tell how Zechariah is visited by an angel who promises that his wife Elizabeth will bear a son, and that they should name him John. Zechariah is so astonished that he doubts the angel's word. And as a result, the angel strikes him with muteness until the baby will be born. He stumbles out, making signs that he has seen a vision, and after he finishes his temple service, he goes home to his wife, who, true to prophecy, becomes pregnant.

Let me just say, as a singer with a very sensitive throat, I know how it feels when you can't use your voice for awhile. Many times, I have had to use a pencil and pad to communicate because I had lost my voice or was on "vocal rest" -- not allowed to speak before a concert. (If this surprises you, here's a fun fact: The chanteuse Céline Dion will not speak for an entire day before she has a concert. I don't know how her husband and kids put up with that, since she performs all the time!)

So when I can't speak, I am restricted to writing. It is rather difficult to get into a heated discussion with my husband, because you have to pick your words very wisely when you can only write so fast. As a result, life in our household is pretty calm when I am not able to speak. But I can only imagine going home to a worried spouse, trying to explain why I suddenly can't speak at all -- who knows if it will be permanent -- and on top of that, telling my spouse that she is suddenly pregnant when we have been trying for years to have a baby. What kind of discussion would that be?! (As an aside, it very much surprises me that both Zechariah and his wife could read... or maybe... she couldn't read and he had to rely on sign language.)

In any case, I'm sure 9 months of dumbness will completely change a man, and indeed, an entire relationship.  When the baby was finally born, the relatives asked Elizabeth (of course, because her husband couldn't speak) what the baby should be named. And she said, "He is to be called John." (I wonder whether Zechariah also told her that's what the angel said, or whether an angel appeared to her too?)

And then Zechariah also wrote down that the baby was to be called John. At this sign of his obedience and faith, God removed his muteness, and Zechariah burst out into praise. 

As I read the story of this faithful couple, I am inspired and touched. First, they unswervingly followed and served God, even though their deepest desire remained unfulfilled. Secondly, they supported one another through what must have been a tough period of silence and pregnancy. The Bible doesn't say much about this, but their support of one another shows through their agreement all the way up to the birth of John. Finally, the Luke shows that both of them were filled with the Holy Spirit: In Luke 1:41 Elizabeth prophecies loudly when she greets Mary, pregnant with Jesus. In Luke 1:67, Zechariah also prophesies and praises God. In return for their faithfulness, God not only allows them to be the parents of a very important messenger of the Christ, but he also gives them visions of the glory that is soon to come. 

What area of your life do you need to surrender to God? As I left the retreat-grounds that day, I prayed that my husband and I would be able to become more like this godly couple. I pray that we would be faithful even through great pain and hardship, and that He would allow us to be such an integral part of his plan like John and Elizabeth. 

Advent Day 10 - Jesus' Genealogy

As a child, I loved to visit my grandparents in England. Their house was chock-full of books, and I loved perusing the shelves, looking for a new passion or an old favorite.

The last time I visited, I remember spending some time in the family genealogy book. There were pages and pages of relatives I had only vaguely heard of, but it was very fun and special to look towards the end and find the names that belonged to my brothers and me. Proof that we existed, and that our ancestors too had really lived. But it did really make me wish that I knew more about my ancestors than their names and the dates they lived. What did they think about? What did they feel? Were there any exciting stories from their lives? Did I have any ancestors who were spies? Slaves? Rebels? Kings?

In the first chapter of Matthew, there is a long genealogy of Jesus. It starts with Abraham and goes through Jesus' earthly father, Joseph.

At first glance it seems like a very strange way to start a book. What author, hoping to be widely read, starts his book with a long family tree? Any casual reader who picks up the book (or scroll as it were) would immediate put it down and decide that this was not comfy bedtime reading.

But we are forgetting 1st: the time and world in which Jesus was born, 2nd: the culture and history of the Jewish people, and 3rd: the purpose which Matthew had in writing his account of Jesus' life.

In the first place, when Matthew wrote his gospel, only the very few educated could read and write. The rich (males only) were educated by scribes. Most people heard the Book of the Law only in the synagogues. Additionally, books were very precious. Not only was it hard to find someone who would copy down your book, but pens, ink and papyrus were costly. Circulation of books was limited, and only the very rich would have owned a personal library. Thus, any written document was respected and treasured.

Secondly, the attention of Matthew's audience would immediately have been held by the first few words:

This is the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah 
the son of David, the son of Abraham...

Matthew 1:1 NIV

To the Jewish people, what an important and shocking phrase. In a few short words, Matthew claims, that 1) Jesus is the promised Messiah whom the Jews have been waiting for over hundreds of years, 2) that he is the "son of David" -- meaning that he is of royal blood. David was the Jews' most beloved and powerful king in memory, perhaps a bit like an American claiming to be a direct descendent of George Washington. 3) Finally, he also claims Jesus to be the son of Abraham -- the very father of the Israelite faith. Thus Jesus is claimed as both the heir to the Israelite kingdom and the core of their very spirituality. 

I wouldn't have the time to describe every ancestor on the list, even if I knew about each of them. But I find it ironic that I know more about most of the ancestors of Jesus than I do about my own forefathers. That is because many of them are central figures to the story of the Israelites and the Israelite people's relationship with God. Their stories are written all throughout the Old Testament.

The final reason that Matthew chose to start the story of Jesus with a description of his ancestry is because his Jewish audience would have immediately recognized the stories of their ancestors, the patriarchs and leaders and kings whose stories they had grown up on and whom they had respected all their lives. The mention of so many of their heroes would suddenly bring their history close to them, and help them to realize that Jesus was indeed the promised Messiah, who had been foreshadowed throughout history. They would see all the prophecies about him which had come to pass and realize how amazing God's hand had been to bring about his plan of salvation.

As you look at Jesus' genealogy, whose stories of faith and courage do you remember? What thoughts of encouragement or hope come to your mind?